First World Problems: OMG!!! My Twitter’s Changed!

Posted: February 15, 2012 in First World Problems
Tags: , , , ,

Once more an earthquake has shaken the foundations of the social media world.

Twitter has changed it’s format!  Or so every third or fourth tweet in my feed says.  I wouldn’t know because mine still looks the same.  I’m sure it will catch up at some point but until then I can only imagine at what hideous things await me.

Damn you, Twitter!  Damn you for daring to change the site you own and for which you do not charge me!  Damn you for doing this without asking for my permission or for my input.

And while I’m at it go eff yourself Facebook!  Your movie sucked (it did NOT suck) and you think you’re all that.

World’s youngest soccer hooligan

Every time Facebook changes something, everyone gets all worked up.  I know people who religiously refuse to change to this new timeline hoo-hah they’ve got going now.  Well, time’s about up on that and soon they will have no choice.  Again, though what is there really to complain about?  In a few weeks, days, hours one will have forgotten what it used to look like and grow comfortable enough with the new format just in time for it to change again.

The greatest sin a website can commit is to become irrelevant and stagnant.  That’s why the Facebooks and the Twitters are always changing, trying to incorporate new bells and whistles that track our every movement, our every purchase, our every desire.  They’ve got to pay for themselves somehow, right?  Damn your eyes, social media!  Damn your eyes!

Hates the new timeline!  Won’t accept my friend request.

Now, I’m not planning on buying any shares of Facebook though I have to think that my opinion might matter a bit more if I had a stake in the company.  But then again, probably not.  I’m not sure how that kind of shit works.  I do know I’ll keep using Facebook and Twitter and that it will never matter what they look like.  I enjoy the interaction they provide while, at the same time, allowing me to maintain a distance from people and real human emotions.

And remember, while you are entitled to your opinion, Zuckerberg and J. Michael Twitterman (not his real name) could care less.  In fact, this is what they think of you.

The greatest middle finger ever?

That’s a rhetorical question.  It’s Johnny Cash.  The Man In Black.  The man whose legacy survived a shitty Joaquin Phoenix bio-pic portrayal.  Of course, it’s the greatest.

On an aside, all this talk of format changes made me think of MySpace.  I remembered that the dinosaur of social networking sites always allowed for a fair bit of customization to one’s profile.  It WAS always a hassle to visit a particularly busy page but there was that personal touch that FB and Twitter have never really allowed.  I hadn’t logged into my account in at least a couple of years so I figured I’d check it out.

Turns out that the second I stopped logging in to my page a band of wandering gypsies set up shop.  MySpace smelled vaguely of urine and stale pot smoke.  I won’t even tell you what I found in the corner mainly because I could not identify it by its rotting remains.  I did have one friend request but I’m pretty sure it was from the band that played my senior prom 23 years ago.

Also, it turns out the only person who still uses MySpace is Tim Doyle


All Bird Pictures can be found in The Field Guide to the North American Bird


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