Archive for the ‘The Womens’ Category

Olivia Wilde

Oh Olivia.  Where to begin?  I was but a young man of 35 when your exotic visage came to my attention during your first episode of the overrated Fox drama House M.D.  You alone were almost enough to keep me watching the show but like everyone else I eventually learned to hate it.  But I digress.  We’re not here to talk about that overheated Quincy ripoff.  We’re here to talk about you.

In the middle of your run on that disgrace to broadcast television, you appeared in Tron:  Legacy and in Cowboys and Aliens.  I rather enjoyed the former and the latter was passable.  You weren’t asked to do too much in either but I was still happy to see you.  I was however starting to notice that you were getting really skinny.  It’s not going to kill you to end a sandwich, you know?

At some point, Fox finally decided to put down that rotten show like a rabid dog with a bullet to the brain.  And you were free.  Praise Jeebus, you were free.  You set out to do fun roles like that of the twisted sister, Liza, who was 1/2 of the brother-sister duo (with Eric Bana) whose casino robbery getaway has gone awry in the Thanksgiving set Deadfall.  It was an edgy performance in a tight, little thriller that just might become a holiday tradition in my shockingly single household.

I’ll admit I skipped The Incredible Burt Wonderstone but I hope to catch it soon on DVD or On Demand.  That said I definitely plan on catching your next big flick, Drinking Buddies.  Directed by Joe Swanberg who famously and thankfully once kicked Devin Faraci’s ass, it’s an improvisational rom-com that I hope sets you up well for further great opportunities.

Now I know Olivia will never see this.  I have no illusions to the contrary.  But, dear readers, do me one small favor?

If you see this woman, tell her I love her.

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Olga Kurylenko

This Ukrainian-born beauty first caught my eye in the unfairly maligned Quantum of Solace, the second Daniel Craig Bond flick.  She was distracting in her beauty in that film and capably handled her own acting against Mr. Craig.  To my memory, she was one of the few Bond dames that doesn’t die…probably because she didn’t sleep with 007.  But I digress.  Hers was a small role but I was eager to see her in more.

I next caught her in The Assassin Next Door, a thriller in which she stars as the titular Russian assassin who befriends a neighbor who is a victim of domestic abuse.  She was quite good in the role.  If you haven’t seen it I recommend you check it out.  She also featured prominently in Neil Marshall’s Centurion as a mute and fierce Pict warrior woman who wages war on a group of Roman soldiers.

She’s about to show up in her biggest feature to date in the Tom Cruise sci-fi film, Oblivion.  I know next to nothing about the movie other than what the trailers have shown but I do know from those trailers that she’s in it and she has a big role.  And I’ll be damned if that ain’t good enough for me.

If you see this woman, tell her I love her.

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Gemma Arterton

This lovely British lass hasn’t been in the business too long but she’s already had some notable and varied roles.

She played the doomed MI6 agent Strawberry Fields in Daniel Craig’s second Bond flick, Quantum of Solace. A year later she was featured as a kidnap victim who savvily turns the tables on her abductors in the excellent thriller, The Disappearance of Alice Creed. Her best performance to date was in the English country set romantic comedy, Tamara Drewe, as a successful newspaper columnist who returns to the small village she grew up in to sell her family home.

Early next year, she will star in the action/horror flick, Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters, which doesn’t necessarily promise to be a great flick but does promise Ms. Arterton in tight, form-fitting leather. I’m down like a sad, lonely clown.

If you see this woman, tell her I love her.

Monica Bellucci

This Italian goddess first came to my attention in France’s Brotherhood of the Wolf. She followed that up with a riveting performance in Gaspar Noe’s shocking Irreversible. She’s since been featured in smaller roles in The Matrix trilogy and Shoot ‘Em Up. Most notably of late she starred in 2009’s Don’t Look Back with the gorgeous Sophie Marceau.

She’s a leggy beautiful woman and a hell of an actress. Not a bad combination.

If you see this woman, tell her I love her.

Amber Heard

This young starlet first caught my eye in a little seen, to date unreleased in the US of A horror/thriller called All the Boys Love Mandy Lane.  In it, she plays the title character, a young virginal high school girl who became something of a  hottie over the course of the long summer.  The popular jocks decide to invite the suddenly beautiful young lady to a secluded ranch house for a weekend of boozing, drugging, and they hope sexing.  They don’t realize that someone else has an eye out for young Mandy and is keen on eliminating the competition.  The movie is fun and Heard is great in it portraying that burgeoning sexuality that girls who supposedly don’t realize they’re pretty always seem to exude.

Heard went on to be ridiculously badass and sexy  in the Nic Cage 3D horror/action/comedy mash-up Drive Angry in which she cusses, punches and sweats.  A lot.  I’m okay with all of that.  Especially the sweat.

Amber is from Austin and still has family here.  And a couple years ago, she came out as a bisexual stating that she really didn’t care about gender, just the person inside.  All of which means, I’ve still got a chance.

If you see this woman, tell her I love her.

Emilia Clarke

You may not recognize her, as pictured above, without the signature shock blonde-white hair she sports in her breakthrough role as Danereys Targaryen on HBO’s Game of Thrones.  Also, she’s not naked.  Or covered with dragons.  Or both.  Regardless, the young lady is terribly cute.

Ms. Clarke, who previously had only appeared in a short run BBC TV series and on a SyFy film, has landed one hell of a plum role as the deposed, young princess obsessed with reclaiming what she feels is her legacy and her land.  I haven’t read the novels so I don’t know how long the character lasts.  I hope she ends up killing everyone and rules all the lands.  Just her and her dragons.  Naked.  Her.  Not the dragons.

If you see this woman, tell her I love her.

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Katee Sackhoff

When the rebooted Battlestar Galactica started a few years back, one of the biggest points of change was the gender reassignment of the ‘Starbuck’ character, played with roguish charm in the original series by Dirk ‘Faceman’ Benedict.

Now, ‘Starbuck’ was a woman. And she kicked ass. And she was hot. Or at least I thought she was. Katee Sackhoff played the character as a hard drinking hard case who bucked authority and played second fiddle to no man.

I’d like to imagine that there was a lot of Ms. Sackhoff on display in her portrayal of the character. I’d like to imagine that I could get a mean drink-on with the lady pounding back tequila shooters ’til she drank me under the table. And after that, I’d just like to imagine.

If you see this woman, tell her I love her!